Stories, not stats
Share experiences, not statistics. A story invites people in.
What it is
Instead of trading facts and statistics, trade experiences. Share what happened in your own life that shaped how you see things, and ask about theirs.
Why it works
In 2020, political scientists Joshua Kalla and David Broockman published three field experiments in the American Political Science Review. Canvassers talked with thousands of voters. Conversations built on talking points and facts alone produced no measurable change. Otherwise identical conversations that added a “non-judgmental exchange of narratives,” where people shared personal stories, did change attitudes, and the change lasted for months. An earlier study by the same researchers, in Science (2016), found that a single conversation of about ten minutes, built around seeing things from another person's point of view, reduced prejudice for at least three months. These studies involved strangers at the door talking about immigration and transgender rights, not families talking about Trump. But the lesson may carry over: a personal story invites someone in, while a statistic invites them to argue.
How to do it
- Think of an experience that shaped your view, something that actually happened to you.
- Share it briefly, without a lecture attached.
- Ask them: “Was there a moment that shaped how you see it?”
- Listen to their story the way you'd want yours heard.
- Never use their story as ammunition later.
See it in action
The setup: You support Trump. Your cousin doesn't. At a family barbecue, she brings up the cost of living. (An illustration, not real people.)
How it usually goes
Them: “I just don't see how anyone can say things are better. Everything costs more.”
She's frustrated and a little combative.
You: “If you actually looked at the numbers, you'd see you're wrong. Look it up.”
Statistics thrown back as a weapon. Now it's a duel over sources.
Them: “My numbers say the opposite. Where are you even getting that?”
You're arguing about sources, and neither of you will budge.
How it could go
Them: “I just don't see how anyone can say things are better. Everything costs more.”
The same starting point.
You: “It really does. Can I tell you what it's been like for me? When the plant in our town closed, my dad lost his job, and I watched what that did to him.”
A true story, not a statistic. There's nothing to fact-check.
Them: “I didn't know that. That's awful.”
She's responding to you, not to a talking point.
You: “It shaped a lot of how I see things. What about you? Was there something that shaped how you see it?”
You invite her story in return.
Them: “Honestly, my mom's medical bills. That's what I think about.”
Now you both understand something real about each other.
Try it
Write down one experience from your own life that shaped your politics. Practice telling it in under a minute, with no conclusion attached.
These are conversation ideas, not therapy or professional advice. If a relationship involves threats, abuse, or fear for your safety, start here instead.